The 3 Main Reasons Why We Procrastinate
If you think you’re lazy, this one’s for you…
We’ve all been there when we really needed to get something done but just couldn’t get started.
In an attempt to postpone the dreaded task we would first clean the kitchen, organise the fridge or the sock drawer, do the weekly shop and the list goes on…
Putting off doing something that feels tedious or overwhelming this way is a common coping mechanism whereby we would do anything BUT that particular thing that has been hanging over our heads.
And if that wasn’t jarring enough in itself we also have to live with the unwelcome side effects of delaying a task: guilt and shame for ‘being too lazy’ or ‘inadequate’ to do the thing we ought to do. The deeper we go into this spiral the harder it is to untangle ourselves from the sticky grip of procrastination.
But what if I told you that you are not lazy? That your stuckness has a root cause that is the REAL reason that’s stopping you from getting started?
In my experience this is almost always the case. Even in “terminal cases” when all signs point to someone being lazy, I guarantee you that if you dig deeper you’ll see that something deeper is at play.
This was the theme in one of my private sessions recently where my client was frustrated with herself for not having started to work on an application with a tight deadline. So while she felt lazy and blamed herself for being ‘incapable’, I saw this as a great opportunity to work with the frustration and use that as guidance to look deeper into what was really stopping her. So I started asking questions, taking her further down into her felt sense about the particular topic. Because her logical mind was saying: “You should apply to this course because it will be good for your career. It looks good on your resume and you’ll have a chance to be / to do XYZ.”
In reality these thoughts are all assumptions. It’s her mind trying to control the outcome. But the truth is that she can’t know whether this certification will matter that much or if she’s going to have an amazing time being a student. She THOUGHT that this is what’s going to happen and she THOUGHT that it is what she needed.
And this was the first step to recognise. That her logical deductions kept her completely in her head giving no space to FEEL into the process. Because we can never know what the future outcome will be of an action or an event. All we can ‘know’ and work with is how we FEEL right now and let that be the compass for the decisions we make.
So I encouraged her to actually FEEL what she was feeling. In her body. Without attaching a ‘logical’ story to it. We used colours, metaphors and sensations to identify what was happening inside of her like “my heart sinks when I think of academia” or “I feel relief in my stomach when I think about not having to apply” or “my heart feels expansive when I think about doing field work instead”. We used her body’s (soma) signals to identify the real sentiment behind her surface level laziness. All she needed was a little guidance that led her back to her heart and some reassurance that she can trust her own wisdom.
Body as The compass for making decisions
I love using somatic tools such as the above to get to the bottom of a dilemma that we just can’t seem to figure out with our minds.
As a general advice, if a decision or action feels too hard then the first thing you need to do is STOP pushing it. It sounds counterintuitive but the more you’re able to let go of your attachment to ‘figuring it out’ and the more you can soften your heart & mind about the issue, the closer you actually get to solving it. But first you need to surrender your preconceived ideas about what you think should happen and let your heart & body talk to you through sensations and not words.
This is an ongoing process & exploration and I don’t expect anyone to immediately get the hang of it. We live in an disembodied (where we are not taught to have reverence for the wisdom of our bodies) world so learning to cultivate a connection to and relationship with our physical vessel takes time and patience. The world tells us to hurry, to be productive, to decide, to go go go and always be on the move but what I believe we need is the exact opposite:
We need to slow way down to listen, to soften and to drop inwards. To turn our gaze internally and just be. To practise existing outside of our minds. This is the only way we can learn to trust our inner guidance despite the external noise and expectations.
3 Steps you can take when you catch yourself procrastinating
Find a quiet place, sit down and connect with your breath. Take as long as you need, it’s probably more time than you think.
Breathe into your head and imagine all your thoughts dropping down into the ground with the outbreath like smoke leaving your body. Do this until your head feels lighter.
Start tuning into any sensations in your body: the temperature of the room, the movement of your belly & chest, any aches & pains, discomfort, warmth, pulsing, softness etc. Keep focusing on what you are FEELING & SENSING.
FROM THIS more grounded PLACE, ASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS
Where do I feel the procrastination in my body? E.g. stomach, heart, pelvis
What does it feel like? What characteristics would you give it? E.g. it feels dense, heavy, dark, red, feels like smoke, feels suffocating etc.
What part of my body responds when I think about doing the thing I’ve been putting off?
What is the response?
How does it feel in my body if I think about not doing it at all?
What is the missing piece to be able to complete this task? E.g. Do I need more information, or help or guidance etc.
Stay with the questions until the answers start formulating. Be mindful that they may come in unexpected forms like images, colours, smells, sensations etc. It’s often not clear words and that’s ok. This just means you are tapping into the wisdom of your body.
THE REAL REASONS FOR PROCRASTINATing
The particular reasons for procrastination can be many based on the individual but in my personal & professional experience most of them fall under the below two categories:
LACK OF CLARITY - You are overwhelmed because you need more clarity, resource or guidance to complete the task.
How to work with it? - The above body-based (somatic) exploration helps with the identification from which point you can ask yourself these questions about the type of help & support you need:
What knowledge do I lack?
How can I gain this information?
Is there anyone who could help? Once you recognise that there’s something lacking before you can move forward, it’ll be much easier to fill the gaps and then take action.
OUT OF ALIGNMENT / IT’S A SHOULD - You don’t really want to do it, it’s not necessary or not in alignment with your needs & values. You think you should do something for all the wrong reasons.
E.g. “I promised my friend I would go to a yoga class with them but the truth is I really don’t like that particular class” (denying your values) or “I should complete the certification because that’s the only way to get into the industry” (building on assumptions).
How to work with it? - Follow the 3 steps above to get to the root of your disconnect.
Ask yourself: “What do I really want in this situation?”
FEAR OF FAILURE / INNER CRITIC - Your safety instinct wants to keep the status quo because if you don’t do it you can’t fail. The expectation of how things should go is crushing you.
How to work with it? - Ask yourself: “What does my safety instinct not like about this situation?” and/or “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” —> And if that happens, then what? Keep following this until you feel you’ve come full circle.
Please be gentle with yourself throughout this process. You may discover parts of you that feel tender (like beliefs, memories) and that’s when you should go even slower. Hold yourself with compassion & ask yourself: “What’s the kindest thing I could do right now?” And follow the wisdom of what’s arising.
With love,
Hedi
